A Mediator's Mediation

In honor of #ConflictResolutionDay (Third Thursday in October), I decided to reflect on my own mediation in hopes that it will assist someone with a peaceful method to resolving their own conflict. Prior to my own mediation, I kept remembering several lines from the movie "Hitch" which is about a dating coach who is hired by a shy accountant to help him gain the opportunity to date an heiress whom he loves. One of the lines in the movie occurs when the accountant says to the dating coach that he is selling the stuff, but that he doesn't believe in his own product which got me to thinking that I (mediator) am selling mediation, but I haven't tried my own product (mediation). Consequently, I paid the mediation fees and hired a mediator. Partly because I wanted to see what it was like to be on the receiving side of mediation and partly because I was dealing with a problem that was becoming tantamount in my life causing conflict. As a result I decided to take back some of that power via mediation.

Mediation did exactly what it was designed to do...give me and the other party a clear understanding of the problem. The mediator assisted both us to see the problem through the eyes and minds of each other. Mediation allowed both of us to be completely honest with the mediator without fear of judgement or power control. Another line in the movie "Hitch" that correlates to mediation occurred when the dating coach explains to the heiress that his job is to create opportunity. While mediation is not a venting session, it gave both of us the opportunity to relieve tension and explore common ground as well as seek further opportunity for resolution. Mediation was not a way out of the conflict, but it was a way through the conflict and in the end, it brought back some peace.

Lastly, I learned what I have always known about mediation...a mediator's culture, life experience, work experience, education, worldview, moral and integrity play an important role when it comes to framing the context of a problem and being able to communicate that problem to both parties during the course of the mediation session.